Thursday, January 04, 2007

Confession of a Good Girl: Not Bitchy enough?

"Dear God, who do that fu**ing cleaner think he is?" was my 'bitchy' best friends first reaction when one of the schools cleaners politely asked her to move her arm so he could sweep over the cafeteria table. I said nothing, as usual. My friend is such a good person to have around, don't get me wrong, but sometimes she just gets a little too rude, a little too mean. I don't do a thing. I just shuts up and smiles at her. Of course, I am fully aware of the reason to my non-existing reactions - I am afraid of her, simply scared. When she gets pissed of in any way, for whatever reasons she got, she turns her 'victims' life into a living hell.
I'm not joking. She is dangerous when she is mad, worse than any mean girl (I guess) you've ever met, and I (if I'm the one she's pissed at), I just keep beeing quiet and wait for her to come back, to 'forgive' me for the 'sins' I've made, even though she should be the one saying sorry to me. And I can confess, I do feel weak every time she turns her back at me, and even though I've got other friends to hang around, I feel her hate for me all the time during her arguments. The fact is, I hate fighting with her. So here comes the question: Is it me who isn't bitchy enough? When I get pushed away (literally) by her because she doesn't want me to hear what she is just about to tell another girl , should I speak out and tell her I demand some respect, even though I KNOW it will get me into trouble? Couse in the end, it's really not about beeing cruel, it's about standing up for myself.

"Please, forgive me. I didn't mean to call you a bitch honey..."

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